Wednesday, November 19, 2008

A Lesson Learned.

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Why do I always do this? I pour my heart and soul into making someone else happy and they drop me quicker than they picked me up.

Eh, I wasn't expecting it to work out anyway. After all, I plan on moving to Georgia permanently one day so, his inclination to stay around the area was already at odds with my interests but, Jesus, we only technically went out TWICE so, the lame excuse about the two of us not having a lot in common doesn't make since because you cannot tell those things after TWO DATES and a few talks on the phone.

Its actually quite obvious to me that all he wanted was a lay. What else am I supposed to think after what happened? To be honest, I wasn't feeling him either.. as mean as this may sound, he was too simple for me. I want to travel, engage in rousing conversation, experience new things with someone who is similarly minded and with his penchant for drinking and laying around the house, it obviously wouldn't have worked in the long run.

The thing is, there was no long run and that is what I wanted, its what I want. I was willing to compromise my values, interests, my entire self for the possibility of making it work. I've always been this way and I should know by now that betraying myself always lands me back in this spot.

As I sit here thinking, I'm afraid I might have intimidated him with my intelligence. When I would initiate conversations he would always lapse into mundane, day to day banter while leaving my questions and curiosities in the lurch. So, I can only thank God that this wasn't a long, drawn out deterioration of a years long relationship where I was being led on a la another certain individual who no longer communicates with me.

Whatever. I'm sick of attracting rump roast when I deserve filet mignon.
I'm willing to wait it out if it means I'll come across a lasting, compassionate, nurturing relationship with time. I'm young, they're out there, I just need to let them come to me and discontinue the whole taking a step down thing in order to please someone who really doesn't deserve me anyway because, if they deserve me, I will not HAVE to lower myself; and neither will any of you.

Sunny Side Up!,

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