Hello Friends!

Hello friends!



That's right, I'm alive. I didn't die & I haven't stopped blogging. I was in Georgia from July 17th until the 30th and since I've been back, Blogger hasn't been cooperating with me so, forgive my prolonged absence if you will.

Anyway, I had a more than decent trip & I came away with a new tattoo! Well, two tattos really but, they go together like shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yipitty boom de boom.

I just need to get some half way decent pictures which I SWEAR TO GOD I will do (with the help of my craptastic cellphone camera) either this evening or tomorrow and I will post the results ASAP. all I'm going to say about it now is, more Lucy.
:)

Now I return you to your regularlly scheduled blogging.

Sunny Side Up!,
Krista

Yodel, Odel, Odelllllllllllllll...

I really enjoy some high quality yodeling, most often in the vein of one Dame Julie Andrews a la The Lonely Goatherd but, this little gem comes straight from Deutschland (or somewhere near there)showcasing a lovely little lady by the name of Maria Hellwig. Its really cute, enjoy! I did.



PS-Sorry I've been rather slack on the posts around here but, I'm dealing with computer malfunctions and then I'll be going on a three day weekend sans internet access but, I'm still reading your blogs and such as often as possible. :)

Sunny Side Up!,
Krista

Forgive Me, For I Know Not Where This Post Shall Lead.

*DISCLAIMER*I know that the three or four of you who read this humble little blog come here for some happy escapism however, I am currently dealing with the loss of without a doubt, the biggest friendship I have ever known and, being that I have no one to pour over this with me in the physical sense, I am bringing it here in the form of a recap, per se.
Please, bare with me.



I remember the first time I saw her. It was in Chorus and she was sitting beside my other good friend. She was wearing a purple flowered dress and glasses. The dress brought ridicule from some popular peers beside me because it was not, admittedly, anywhere near the style that was universally popular that school year of 1999-2000. Of course, that didn't phase me because from the start, I could sense that here was a gentle, caring soul, a comrade of sorts and also; to be blunt, I myself was not a fashion plate or a particularly superficial being so, one's attire has never determined whether or not I choose to befriend an individual.

I was not threatened by this gawky girl, she didn't give me that 'holier than thou' side eye that since first grade, I had become so accustomed to. And so, I did something which was completely out of character for the shy, embarrassed human that I was, I said hello and smiled at her. Without any reservations, that's what I did and, do you know what happened? She, too, said hello and SHE SMILED AT ME IN RETURN.

That's all it took, I was off. I was bound to make this unknown creature my friend but, I needed to know her name first so, I asked this mutual friend beside her, Jennifer, who she was. "Her name is K." Jen said.

"Hi, K. I'm Krista." "Hi, Krista." and from there, conversation flowed unabashedly.

We now had someone to sit with at lunch and we'd get our trays and head to our own little corner to sit across from one another and talk and giggle about boys or how Ms. R sat on the edge of her desk that morning with textbook in hand, only to have the whole kit-n-kaboodle collapse beneath her weight, leaving all of her pupils, whether or not they had actually witnessed this most comical occurrence, to laugh and joke with one another for the remainder of the school day. We exchanged numbers and with that information gathered, we were now left to talk to one another constantly, annoying our mothers with tied up phone lines.

We stayed at one an other's homes, with me staying on so long at hers one summer that my mother actually asked me to return to my own house because she missed me! Our parents shuttled us to and from amusement parks, movies, and one infamous fire hall dance where, lacking parental supervision at the tender ages of 13 and 15, we dirty danced for a cigarette a piece, and smoked those suckers with pride despite the fact that I had no clue one was supposed to inhale after taking a drag so, I just nonchalantly sucked in and blew out absolutely nothing which means I didn't look 'cool' for long. It didn't matter though because, we were together so, everyone else's opinions were disregarded and cancelled out.

I was with her throughout her many failed first attempts at romantic relationships, with myself lagging behind in that department for many years. I stood beside her when that evil excuse for a human molested her using the guise of a father figure to lure that young, naive mind into consenting to lewd acts. I was her saving grace throughout a trial that lasted two in a half years that was brought to a close in the best way imaginable due almost solely to my testimony as to what exactly it was that I myself had witnessed. We were both terrified but, we made it because we had each other and again, no one else mattered.

Somewhere in the midst of our shared journeys through the typical adolescent rebellion stage, a new, surprising, completely unexpected emotion was taking root inside of me. I was falling in love with my best friend. I was in love with my best friend who was, God forbid, of the female persuasion also and, having been raised in a conservative "Christian"* household, in the beginning I tried to deny it because hey, nobody wants to go to hell, you know? However, after some introspection and exposure to diversity and acceptance through various Internet sites, etc., I accepted and embraced this new development. I just had to gather up the courage to tell K my feelings.

One evening, at a restaurant, I spilled the beans. It was rather easy because the two of us were incredibly open with each other anyway, (after that trial, it was ridiculous to be prudes when it came to what we could and could not speak openly about.), so there was no tension even though of course, I was nervous I wouldn't deny that. It turned out that, she, too, had feelings for me and so, a whirlwind intimate relationship began.

That evening, we explored one another with ardor and tenderness. I was smitten and I thought she was in return. In actuality, our sexual relations lasted less than two months because, as it turned out, as much as she loved me as a best friend and sister, she had really only been curious and a lot of best friends tend to 'play around' sexually at an age when hormones are flowing through their puberty ridden bodies like water from a stream and, in this sense, K was no exception.

My love and devotion lasted for years after our short lived affair and I often told her that I loved her however, I only alluded to the actual capacity of that love but, she knew how I felt and she would automatically return that statement but it went without saying that her love for me did not run quite so deep as mine.

In 2004, she met J and, that was the beginning of the unraveling of our sisterhood, I suppose. I then moved back to Georgia as I had before during the course of our friendship but, up until J entered the picture, this had never put a damper on our deep seated relationship. Within three months of meeting him and his deranged (that's the most polite way to put it), family, he had gotten her pregnant. Two or three weeks after that revelation he proposed and a month or two later, they were married.

K's first child was born prematurely at 29 weeks. I had returned from Georgia and had traveled with her mother and mother-in-law to Pittsburgh to be with her for the birth. We arrived an hour late and the baby was already in the NICU. A, her baby, survived and due to K and J's prominent involvement with Child Youth Services, was later adopted by her aunt.

Now, throughout k's long tenure in Pittsburgh, which is two hours away, our relationship was tested because J was very jealous of me due to the fact that K felt that because he was her husband, she needed to tell him EVERYTHING about her past but, of course, this did not go both ways. I will readily admit right here that yes, at that time, I was still in love with K however, I knew my place and I was in no way attempting to sabotage their marriage because I really wanted K to be happy and I was happy just to be the best friend in that scenario.

K became pregnant again not long after returning from Pittsburgh. I often took it upon myself to open my mouth and tell her that certain things were not a good idea because previously, that is how we had been with one another and, this often started bitter arguments with J and I.

I hated J, (I still do), he is truly a deadbeat in every sense of the word and I am not exaggerating. I'll leave it at that but, keep that in mind.

Within the next two years, K had another girl and not long after that, a little boy. The second child was taken by CYS and put into foster care after I myself had fought to have her at the age of 18 and, I almost was granted guardianship but due to circumstances beyond my control, at the last minute I was denied.

J began acting extra friendly with me after they had moved out of her mother's house. One evening, when he was taking me home after a day spent with K, he pressured me into a sexual situation before he would drop me off. After that occurred, I distanced myself from K, only speaking to her on the phone for months.

When K became pregnant with her fifth child, (she had a miscarriage a few months before), things were going well between them and I was comfortable visiting her every so often with my mother picking me up afterward. Near her 33rd week of pregnancy, his mother came to get the rest of her belongings to move down to Georgia in a U-Haul. J, having no driver's licence, insisted that he was driving that truck down there for her. K knew no argument she could make would convince him otherwise and so, to prevent a monumental blow-up, she protested very little. After approximately a week of his being gone, he called her one day claiming that he had been unhappy for months and that he no longer loved her and from there, with K being on bed rest due to her history of pre-term labor, I semi took over, helping her with the two toddlers already in her care.

T was born on Good Friday at 36 1/2 weeks. I visited the two of them the next day. T is a breathtakingly beautiful baby with a full head of hair and a calm, gentle personality.

A few days after they came home, after not speaking to J, he texted K asking to speak to her. At this point, I knew that just like the two previous 'breakups' he was dying to come back. My suspicions were right on the money and he will be back as fast as his mother can gather the money to send him back on a bus.

K swears that she is not taking him back, he's only coming up here to be close to his children; yadda, yadda, yadda. I know without a doubt, the moment he steps off that bus, she'll be back in his arms again. So, that is why after surprisingly very little soul searching, I am removing myself from the picture completely. This, I truly feel, is the healthiest thing for me to do. I cannot deny how difficult and heart wrenching this decision is for me after nearly a decade of laughter, tears, hugs and babies but, for my own mental health (and physical, obviously) its what must be done.

And so, to K I say, thank you for this incredible relationship. Thank you for accepting me for who I am and loving me despite that fact. I'll always remember the good and when I'm sad or lonely, those memories we've created through the years will be like a blanket to wrap around myself to ward off the bitter cold of life's most difficult times. In my own, quiet way, though its different now, I love you and I always will.

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives for a reason,
Bringing something we must learn.
And, we are lead to those who help us most grow,
If we let them,
And we help them in return.

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,
But, I know I'm who I am today because I knew you.

Like a comet pulled from orbit; as it passes the sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder; halfway through the wood,
Who can say if I've been changed for the better; I do believe I have been changed for the better,
Because I knew you,
I have been changed FOR GOOD.
For Good from Wicked


Sunny Side Up!,
Krista

The Pros & Cons of Online Retail Therapy.

These arrived on my doorstep yesterday:


Carnival Dress- $39.99 (No longer available on website.)



City Lights Ballet Flats - $29.99 (Which I have to return for a 6 as opposed to 6 1/2. See me roll my eyes?)



Sweetheart Roses Ring - in purple- $11.99
All items from Modcloth .

I have a confession to make. I spend money frivolously on clothing any chance I get which granted, is not very often. At least I pay my bills first and foremost though which makes it not half as bad, right? Sometimes I feel guilty though but, I know I shouldn't. I mean, I also give to others as much as possible so, you couldn't really call me selfish. I decided this list would get posted so as to remind me of the good and bad points of something that, if left unchecked, could be a very big vice.

PROS:

1. It gives one something to look forward to in an otherwise mundane, routine exsistence.
2. In turn, it brightens one's mood.
3. It assists in building one's good credit.
4. It makes for a wardrobe that is nearly entirely unique and often unexpected.
5. Which, in turn, makes for great conversation starters. (Lord knows, I can use all the help I can get in that respect.)
6. A gal can get, in most cases, exactly what she's been coveting as opposed to settling for something 'close to it.'

CONS:

1. Its hard to judge what size will be appropriate. This goes mostly for shoes because with shirts, pants, dresses, you can go by your measurements.
2. In that same vein, when an item arrives and its not the right fit, its a hassle to box it back up, ship it back out, and await the proper size's arrival.
3. With the web right at one's fingertips, its a frequent battle of resisting temptation.
4. That credit card bill that arrives promptly at the beginning of each month. (If we could eliminate this one small detail, I could handle all the other piddly cons on this list.)

Hmmm, seems to me that the pros outweigh the cons, eh?
Well, that makes me feel better, I must say & much less guilt ridden.

And what about you, love?
Share with me some vices of your own.

Sunny Side Up!,
Krista

OH, HAI!

That is a stupid title. I've never understood why people find it cute or hip to misspell so atrociously and deliberately. (by the way, I misspelled BOTH of those words. ROCK ON SPELLCHECK.)

Anyway, where did I go? Nowhere. I've been in my humble abode all along, caught up in all of the hullabaloo that IS Thanksgiving/Christmastime. I've no excuse, all apologies.

Onward and Upward!

Sunny Side Up,
Krista

A Lesson Learned.

unknown source

Why do I always do this? I pour my heart and soul into making someone else happy and they drop me quicker than they picked me up.

Eh, I wasn't expecting it to work out anyway. After all, I plan on moving to Georgia permanently one day so, his inclination to stay around the area was already at odds with my interests but, Jesus, we only technically went out TWICE so, the lame excuse about the two of us not having a lot in common doesn't make since because you cannot tell those things after TWO DATES and a few talks on the phone.

Its actually quite obvious to me that all he wanted was a lay. What else am I supposed to think after what happened? To be honest, I wasn't feeling him either.. as mean as this may sound, he was too simple for me. I want to travel, engage in rousing conversation, experience new things with someone who is similarly minded and with his penchant for drinking and laying around the house, it obviously wouldn't have worked in the long run.

The thing is, there was no long run and that is what I wanted, its what I want. I was willing to compromise my values, interests, my entire self for the possibility of making it work. I've always been this way and I should know by now that betraying myself always lands me back in this spot.

As I sit here thinking, I'm afraid I might have intimidated him with my intelligence. When I would initiate conversations he would always lapse into mundane, day to day banter while leaving my questions and curiosities in the lurch. So, I can only thank God that this wasn't a long, drawn out deterioration of a years long relationship where I was being led on a la another certain individual who no longer communicates with me.

Whatever. I'm sick of attracting rump roast when I deserve filet mignon.
I'm willing to wait it out if it means I'll come across a lasting, compassionate, nurturing relationship with time. I'm young, they're out there, I just need to let them come to me and discontinue the whole taking a step down thing in order to please someone who really doesn't deserve me anyway because, if they deserve me, I will not HAVE to lower myself; and neither will any of you.

Sunny Side Up!,
Krista

Getting to Know Me, Getting to Know all about Meee..

Haha. What movie is THAT from, kids?

Anyway, Ingrid posted these questions in her regular feature, Getting to Know You. So, I decided to do a short post for the sole purpose of participating and plus, its like a type of questionairre and I FREAKING LOVE THOSE.

1.birkenstocks or designer shoes- Designer shoes because, despite the fact that I can only afford birkenstocks, I find them hideously ugly and I would perfer to go shoeless.

outside or inside- This depends completely on what the weather is like.

hoping or planning- Planning because, one never gets anywhere hoping for things without planning a way in which to acheive what they are hoping for.

carrots or peas- Peas because, although I do like carrots, sometimes they leave that really nasty weird taste in my mouth..I can't explain that taste either but, its atrocious.

cheese or chocolate- Cheese because, I've never been a chocolate lover in the first place.

wristwatch or intuition- A wristwatch because, I like to be certain and I am not inclined to guess or go with my gut.

milk or juice- Plain, light SOYMILK because it is so good for you and doesn't have any of the animal hormones that cow's milk contains nor all the additives, sugars, colorings, and calories of a juice.
..Unless I get to have a Naked juice which is a different thing altogether.

creating or viewing- Viewing because, I'm not exactly the artistic type.

walking or running- Walking because, if you go at a brisk pace, you get just as much exercise as if you were running and it saves an awful lot of wear and tear on your knees and joints.

bouncing or rigid- I am partial to bouncy objects myself.

cozy or breezy- If its a light spring or summer breeze, I'll take that. They can often be cozy.

fancy or hearty- Mealwise? I like homemade, healthy food that leaves you satisfied so, hearty.

chuckle or guffaw- Both are swell.

whisper or announce- I like to whisper things myself.

lick or bite- Oh, a mixture of the two of course!

snuggle or grope- Same as above.

sing or listen- I do enjoy singing.

kiss or hug- Kisses are my preference.

wonder or discover- Its best to discover answers to things that we first wonder over.

anticipate or achieve- Believe ACHEIVE!

Sunny Side Up!,
Krista

Sacrilege?

Now, I'll be the first to admit, I am ALL for taboo topics, alternative anything, etc. however, when its disrespectful toward any group of individuals or beliefs, I tend to take offense. Having grown up around Catholicism, what with my father's family belonging to the church, I am appalled at this photographic set , sans the photo at the beginning of this post, which I fell is lovely, tasteful, and reminiscent of a Renaissance painting. The rest are disrespectful, tawdry, and cheap.

It sort of pisses me off, actually.

Sound off, please.

Krista.

Stay tuned.

I have had an idea doing cartweels in my mind for the past few weeks and, it was brought on by the fact that my therapist suggested that I might find it helpful and therapeutic in itself if I were to keep a sort of journal. So, being that this is, in a way, what I consider Sunny Side Up! to be, along with a storage area for my favorite things, I have decided to record the story of my little, insignificant life up to this point.

I have decided to persue this project only due to the fact that I feel it may help me heal and, by spurting all of the ups and downs of my short, young life out here into the open so that I can leave them behind as opposed to allowing them to fester inside of myself, I will be able to move on in a much more complete fashion.

I am not begging you all to read my upcoming personal record, although I do hope that by my putting myself out here, unabashedly and uncensored I can help just one person make it through his or her struggle, just as Crystal has done for me. [However, I do not want to hear bullshit about how: OMFG, UR COPYING CRYSTAL!! STUPID BITCH, WTF???!!!11: First off, wow, you're showing your intelligence, cover that nasty shit up. And secondly, my story and Crystal's, apart from social inadequacy and the like, are like night and day so, your arguement, if you can call it that, holds no bearing. Thank you. :-)] I really don't give a damn if anyone beside myself and perhaps immediate family ever lay eyes upon it. However, I feel that in order to free myself, I need to tell my story in as full and complete a way as possible. Its terribly unhealthy and harmful for everyone's soul, I believe, to bottle things up which society has taught us to toss deep inside our closets and cover with fake smiles and a perpetually optimistic attitude.

So anyway, that's what's up.
Okay?
Okay.

Don't worry, it won't all be razorblades and emo poetry the likes of which would make ol' Bill Shakespeare roll over in his grave! I'll also continue letting you know what I like best on the Web.

Sunny Side Up!,
Krista

Georgia on my mind..

photo by Raisonettes .

Whew!
I'm preparing for a trip to Georgia in which I will be embarking upon sometime Sunday. YAY 10 hours in the carrr.
I'm lying....

Anyway, I will be M.I.A. from Sunday until sometime after the fourth of July because my out-of-touch older sister does not own a PC. *Shock! Horror!* However, I'm hoping that due to the fact that some of my best friends own computers, I'll be popping in from time to time.

Once I arrive, I will be preparing myself for the big permanent relocation from central Pennsylvania to north Georgia at the beginning of September in order to attend classes at the local college to pursue a career in early childhood education. So, that means going to the school ASAP to fill out my application, pay my entrance fee, etc.
On top of that, I must decide what essential items shall be accompanying me on my pilgrimage.

Oh GOD...

I HATE THE ACT OF MOVING.

This is my first major step towards a life of my own and although I'm terribly excited, I'm also terrified beyond belief. You see, I suffer from, among other things, separation anxiety , directed at my mother. She's always been beside me, (almost literally) my entire life and the world seems as if it is looming outside of my door, completely prepared to scare the bejeezus out of me at the first indication of my beginning a life of my own.

Eh, I may come back to this later in a more detailed, soul searching post when that time arises but, for now I want to keep things upbeat because, I'm actually elated with life at the moment!

Anyway, it'll be lovely to be exposed to hot weather, loving family, and amazing friends that I feel I really don't deserve but have somehow acquired despite my unworthiness.

OH!

I'll be celebrating my 21st birthday a few days after my arrival to top it all off! Apparently, this shall require a grand celebration which may or may not constitute lots of my ridiculous "bull moose pulling his foot out of the mud" dance moves and some type of liquid substance which, if used in proper fashion shall erase all (or most) of my memory of said rug cutting so that I myself shall suffer minimal embarrassment although that may be more than I can say for my mama..

Hugs, kisses, late nights, children, parties, swimming and sunning, and some type of body modification await and I couldn't be more ready and willing!

Until then though, you guys need to stay tuned for more of my favorite things!

Sunny Side Up!,
Krista

I think by admitting that I feel this way, I come off as a total bitch.

But, this is my blog, for my feelings so, I don't really care.

Why is it that every single one of my very best friends end up getting hitched or, in one case, gets mixed up in an affair with a married woman, at ridiculously young ages and in the process, leave me behind in their dust?
Why can't we just be young, stupid, and carefree for a few years before we all veer into marriage's path?

I'm not going into a lot of detail to protect the privacy of individuals that I care about deeply, despite the fact that I am incredibly disappointed in them and, admittedly, sort of peeved off at them at the moment but, this is the third time in four years that I've basically lost a person who I had previously been led to believe wanted to explore the world with me before we found partners and had babies and lived next to each other in quaint little cul-de-sac's.

I don't mean to be such an awful pessimist but, do you people realize that according to statistics, it isn't even going to work out anyway and then, I'll be the one who has to pick up the pieces and be there when your relationship falls apart..
And, don't worry, I WILL be there because even though I think you're being ridiculous, I still love you with all my heart..

I don't know..

I'm so upset right now and then on top of it all, I'm upset with myself for being upset with this situation because I sound really selfish and self centered, etc. and I'm not that way at all. I'm honestly not that kind of person but, Jesus H. Christ.. why can't we be young for just a few years before we taske responsibility for ourselves and others for the rest of our lives?

Humph.

What's your opinion, insight, criticism towards me, etc.?
All I ask is, please don't judge me harshly. I'm really very nice, I'm just sad and confused right now..

.....,
Krista

My Thoughts aren't always so sunny.

from French Toast Girl


Please allow me to explain exactly why I've created SSU.

I'll be completely honest with everyone up front..
In actuality, I'm quite the pessimist but, I've figured that perhaps, when my bad thoughts and feelings start overtaking all of the good that's inside of me, if I have a designated area for me to run to and spew all of the clutter alongside items that put a smile to my face, I just MIGHT be able to combat them that much more efficiently.

So, what I'm trying to say is that basically, SSU is my own therapeutic tool and all of you, whomever decides to follow along, are almost like hmmmm... I don't know.. you are like the other participants in an ongoing, world wide, all inclusive session of group therapy. A group that you may run to at any moment in the day, and check the latest posts for a little pick me up or a word of encouragement because, if anyone knows how much even the smallest act of kindness or upbeat piece of material can automatically make one's whole day seem more bearable, I DO.

So, in conclusion, I want you all to know that I'm here for you. Yep, anytime you need a shoulder, feel free to email me personally as well and I'll be more than happy to listen because, I feel that we all, as fellow human beings hiking along life's mountains and valleys, need a little assistance every now and again.

Sunny Side Up!,
Krista